劃過

今天在辦公室裏靜悄悄的。

輕輕關上桌上的電話，只想潛心做事，不想被鈴聲打擾。

手指頭落力在鍵盤上輸入文字，如是般打上去又刪改，再打又不合意，反反覆覆地改。打印出來後再覆看一篇，又再修改一下。幾次之後，終於完成。一份文件，偏我要琢磨那麼久。

打印好的文件，寫上了今天的日期，九月二十八日。這日子，這日子有點特殊。這日子曾經在我心房裏劃上一個重要記號。和時間相比，我永遠走慢了一步。時間沒有停下來等待我的意思，自顧自地走了。儘管我喊著、嚷著也無補於事。落後於時間太多的我，繼續落後。我明白，我追不回失去的時光，我失去了那些快樂，也許現在只有哀愁伴著我。時間荏苒之際，我心裏頭一直壓著，一直不好受。我沒法準確地告訴別人究竟我現在是怎樣，我只是知道有些時候做人很難，心情不好的時候難受到想死。怎樣過日子，實在是人生最大的課題。時間走得好快，好像一閃神，人和事都驟然變化到令人難以辨認。桃花是否依舊，說真的我不曉得，但人面全非這個我是可以肯定的。

劃過在心底並留個記號，也僅至於此。

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當手指在"Publish Post按下去之際，臉上已靜靜掛了兩行淚。

Extracts of "The Remains of the Day"

'I feel i should answer you, Mr Stevens. As you say, we may not meet again for many years. Yes, i do love my husband. I didn't at first. I didn't at first for a long time. When I left Darlington all those yars ago, I never realised i was really, truly leaving. I believe I thought of it as simply another ruse, Mr Stevens, to annoy you. It was a shock to come out here and find myself married. For a long time, I was very unhappy, very unhappy indeed. But then year after year went by, there was the war, Catherine grew up, and one day I realised I loved my husband. You spend so much time with someone,yhou find you get used to him. He's so kind, steady man, and yes, Mr Stevens, I've growd to love him.'

Miss Kenton fell silent again for a moment. Then she went on:

'But that doesn't mean to say, of course, there aren't occasions now and then - extreamly desolate occasions - when you think to yourself : "What a terrible mistake I've made with my life." And you get to thinking about a different life, a better life you might have had. For instance, I get to thinking about life I may have had with you, Mr Stevens. And I suppose that's when I get angry over some trivial little thing and leave. But each time I do so, I realise before long - my rightful place is with my husband. After all, there's no turning back the clock now. One can't be forever dwelling on what might have been. One should realise one has as good as most, perhaps better, and be grateful.'

I do not think I responded immediately, for it took me a moment or two to fully digest these words of Miss Kenton. Moreover, as you might appreciate, their implications were such as to provoke a certain degree of sorrow within me. Indeed - why should I not admit it? - at that moment, my heart was breaking. Before long, however, I turned to her and said with a smile:

'You're very correct, Mrs Benn. As you say, it is too late to turn back the clock. Indeed, I would not be able to rest if I thought such ideas were the cause of unhappiness for you and your husband. We must each of us, as you point out, be grateful for what we do have. And from what you tell me, Mrs Benn, you have reason to be contented. In fact, I would venture, what with Mr Benn retiring, and with grand-children on the way, that you and Mr Benn have some extremely happy years before you. You really mustn't let any more foolish ideas come between yourself and the happiness you deserve.'

'Of course, you're right, Mr Stevens. You're so kind.'

'Ah, Mrs Benn, that appears to be the bus coming now.'

I stepped outside and signalled, while Miss Kenton rose and came to the edge of the shelter. Only as the bus pulled up did I glance at Miss Kenton and perceived that her eyes had filled with tears. I smiled and said:

'Now, Mrs Benn, you must take good care of yourself. Many say retirement is the best part of life for a married couple. You must do all you can to make these years happy ones for yourself and your husband. We may never meet again, Mrs Benn, so I would ask you to take good heed of what I am saying.'

'I will, Mr Stevens, thank you. And thank you for the lift. It was so very kind of you. It was so nice to see you again.'

'It was a great pleasure to see you again, Mrs Benn.'

The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

暑假結束了，莘莘學子又開始上學，努力學習為正道。

我也在這個炎夏沒有"正好眠"，反而我在努力看書。繼之前看了石黑一雄的"Never Let Me Go"，我再看他另一部小說作品 - "The Remains of the Day"。實在是花了好一些時間，我只好歸咎於於自己英文水平不夠高，以致未能飛快地完成。不過看到某些情節也會會心微笑。慢慢也覺得饒有趣味，以完成閱讀為終極目標。

看中文小說長大的我，對中文有著深厚感情的我在完成一部中文小說是沒有難度，甚至說是相當輕易，可以自由選擇速度，若時間不允許，可快讀，若時間允許，可慢讀，細意回味作者的讉詞造句也是樂事。

相對來說，看英文小說雖然不至於困難，但也不見得輕鬆。但我告訴自己學語文沒有借口，沒有困難，只有不用心。就慢慢看，總會看完的。

看到快完成的一刻，內心有一炶不捨得但又很慶幸自己能夠有恒心去完成。

要努力上進到底！